Angels and Demons

I hope you’re ready for this.

There was once a difficult time in my life. I won’t tell you when it was or when it ended, all I’ll say, is, I have no idea what to say.

Open up your eyes
Shut your mouth and see
That I’m still the only one that’s been in love with me
I’m just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth
And there’s nothing I can do about it

I met a girl, she was short, blonde, and gorgeous. I started talking to her and realized that we had some common interests and hobbies. I asked her out. The date was great. We hit it off and it felt like the world was lined up with the stars. I was getting ready to start my journey when she ghosted me.

Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door
I got splinters in my knuckles crawling across the floor

I didn’t understand. I thought everything was perfect. But she was gone. I should have let her leave.


She’s an angel
Only angel (Woohoo)
She’s an angel (Woohoo)
My only angel (Woo-ooh-ooh)

So I let her go for a bit. I let things… sizzle. Then I regrouped and organized a new attack. I asked her out again- she said yes. I asked her what had happened, she said “things got busy”. She reassured me that all those feelings were real, and things could work. I was content.

I must admit I thought I’d like to make you mine
As I went about my business through the warning signs
End up meeting in the hallway every single time
And there’s nothing we can do about it

It was around this time I found this song by Harry Styles called Only Angel. Little did I know this would be my voice singing in the darkness.

Time went by. I was satisfied with where I was and didn’t think much else about the subject. I wrote her a dark, cheesy poem, and awaited our second meeting. I found out through the grapevine that her family had a rep. They were known for some heavy business. I was becoming less sure about this by the second. But, I persisted. Going about my business through the warning signs.

Told it to her brother and she told it to me
That she’s gonna be an angel just you wait and see
WHen it turns out she’s a devil in between the sheets
And there’s nothing she can do about it.

The date came. I was ready. Flower hand, poem in pocket, I was going for the kill. We went back to my apartment to talk things over. I read her the poem, she freaked. Not my best love poem. But that’s ok. She told me she had something to tell me. Some baggage, she forgot to mention. I asked what it was. How bad could it be?

Bad.

She took me through a walk down memory lane. She had had a bit of a dark past. Abuse, heartache, and regret. She had made some mistakes, some… recent. Some in the distant past. But they lined up. Then she dropped a bombshell.


She might be pregnant.

I didn’t know what to think. Turns out she’s a devil in between the sheets. She asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I wasn’t going to make any decisions just then. I took her home, said goodbye. I crumbled across my threshold and slept the pain away. I decided I would wait. She wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t make an accurate decision, without knowing. So I waited. She wouldn’t take the test right away. She wanted to be with family… heaven knows why. Then the day came, the test was taken, she sent the results.

Not pregnant.

All was well right? Wrong. I still had a difficult decision to make. Would I stay, or would I go. It had only been two dates… right? I should just get out. Or should I stay? After all, anyone can change. But should I take that gamble. The words of the song echoed in my mind.

She’s an angel
Only angel
She’s an angel
My only angel
She’s an angel

Only angel
She’s an angel
Only angel
She’s an angel
My only angel
She’s an angel
Only angel
She’s an angel
My only angel
She's an angel
Only angel
She’s an angel
My only angel
She’s an angel
My my my only angel
Whoa

Those words rolled on and on. We decided to be just friends. That obviously worked. We tried to date again, forgetting everything. That didn’t work either. So we went our separate ways. Turned out, she wasn’t my angel. A ways down the road I found a real angel. Now we’re engaged, so everything turned out ok. Lesson learned.

This song was an eerie representation of my
situation at the time. Harry tells his own story, and for some reason mine lined up. I guess that’s how it usually goes though. I would say that that lines up with reader response. His experience resonated with mine. He talks about opposites, she being both an angel and a devil. I felt that, deep within my bones. He uses descriptive metaphor to describe the sensation of being with a girl like that. He says he’s got splinters in his knuckles crawling across the floor. He broke a finger knocking on her bedroom door. Everyone who has tried to date a ghost knows the feeling. Not only was she a ghost but he, like me went about his business through the warning signs. Through it all, the power of this poem helped me to process my own situation and even formulate a plan to get out of it. It helped me see that even the strangest of situations are shared by someone. Empathy is empowering, and with that power, we can navigate the treacherousness of mortality. I guess if you’re to this point, you read through my coffee shop journalist-esque description of a hellscape in my life, and maybe you too have found solace.